What is wrong with me? + Non Exsisting BLOG

It is true that I am currently at the best I've been for a long, long time. I'm nowhere as miserable and unhappy as I used to be, every single day of my life. But there's is still something missing, and I can't pinpoint what it is. It doesn't help that I am really lonely, no friend in sight. And my family has certainly seen better times. And the fact that I'm living in a city I don't like, well, can't be that good. Went to the doctor yestarday and she things that my anxiety must be psychosomatic. She might me right. I could definitely be happier. I'm always tired, bored and sleepy. Sometimes, I don't know if I'm asleep or awake. It IS BAD. When I'm at a conference or a lecture, I can't help to feel sleepy and lose my concentration. I often end up hurting myself in order to wake up. It's so awful!. I would like to know why do I have this ABSOLUTE LACK OF MOTIVATION to do the work I'm supposed to do. Is it THAT boring?. Am I just unbelievably lazy?.


Moving to less worrying subjects, my BLOG doesn't seem to EXIST. (It's TOO IRONIC to ignore)
It's NOT in GOOGLE in ANYWAY. Either by typing it's address "http://marytracy9.blogspot.com", or simply "marytracy9", nothing comes up. Unbelievable if I type the address in BLOGGER'S BLOG search engine, nothing comes up. However, by using "marytracy9" something does come up: by MSN SPACE blog. Man, this is BAD. This is STUPID. How could I complain to the google/blogger people?. Could it be that they have something against my name?. Are they just being RUDE?.
If anyone knows anything to help me out, please comment.